Depositions: The Hare
by AliceAD
Summary: Deposition of a shocking case. Buggery! Hamish/Thackery March Hare , Tarrant/Alice. Rated M for language and reference to you know what.


**Fandom: **Alice in Wonderland 2010  
**Rating:** R ( M )  
**Warning:** Some descriptions and use of language.  
**Pairing: **Hamish / Thackery (March Hare), Alice / Tarrant  
**Genre:** General/Crime/Humor  
**Disclaimer**: Don't think I own any of it, nor would want to own any of it. xD It's just too much.... too much *dramatic music*

**AU: READ NOTE FIRST: **This fic is the result of the study after depositions dating back to the seventeenth century. The layout is pretty much like a deposition of the time and the story itself is based on a true one (mentioned below). It is part of a series of rewrites I automatically seem to write whenever I've read, seen or heard something that I link to a fandom (such as the QI based fics). I was doubting whether to upload this one and decided to give it a try. If you don't like it then DON'T review. Comments and feedback about the story, sentences, format, content etc are a no-no. I left most old forms and words intact or changed them slightly. The difference with you and thou and dost and art is there to show the contrast of the two versions of the story. =) If you spot more differences than that's great!

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**Depositions: The Hare**  
_**Subtitled**: A tale of Buggery_

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Tarrant and Alice Hightopp

The examination of Tarrant Hightopp taken in open court:

This deponent said that at or about the second day of July this deponent, having stayed the night at the house of Mr. McTwisp, was going homeward with his about six or seven of the clock in the morning. At entering the woods this deponent espied a fellow out of the path standing with a Hare. Then this deponent stepped out of the path and took shelter behind a Pochote tree, which was between this deponent and him, to see what he was doing. After having come within twenty paces or thereabout, this deponent saw him. The said fellow was Hamish Ascot who was buggering the March Hare, who was tied to a tree which stood close to a great tree. Now he was sidewise to this deponent. Then this deponent saw him buggering the said Hare. Four or five times in his action he, the said Hamish Ascot, had the Hare by the tail and his yard thrusting into the Hare several times, wiping his fingers on the Hare's side and wiped the Hare's breech with his hand. And wiped his hands on the Hare's sides. Then this deponent beckoned to his wife, who stood beside this deponent, and showed her the fellow, saying: "Look, do you see what yonder fellow is doing?" She answered: "Who is it?" And the deponent said: "It is your man Hamish." Then she said: "What a villain he is." This deponent and his wife stood looking at the said Hamish who was continuing his buggering the Hare with the aforesaid actions. From thence this deponent went within five passes to a Locust tree with this deponent's wife. And the said Hamish still continued his actions of buggering the Hare. After this deponent had stayed there for a while he, this deponent, went carefully onto the path and near to him. And he turned his head and saw this deponent and his wife whereupon he left off and turned about the Hare, having not had time to cover up his yard. Then this deponent said: "Villain, what are you doing here?" He answered: "Nothing. Resting the Hare. What should I do?" Then this deponent said: "You villain! You lie. You're buggering the March Hare." He answered: "You lie." Then this deponent's wife said. "You lie, for we stood looking at you." Then this deponent told him, the said Hamish Ascot, that: "You have done enough to be hanged." He replied: "Do your worst. I care not what you can do." Whereupon this deponent's wife willed this deponent to take notice of the March Hare. So this deponent turned to the Hare who was quivering slightly. Then he, the said Hamish Ascot, untied the Hare and lead him to the deponent and gave him. This deponent stood and let the Hare be given to him. So then this deponent took the Hare back to his home and gathered McTwisp and Mallymkun and the Cheshire Cat. And he then showed and lead them to the place of the act committed.

Tarrant X Hightopp

His Mark

The deposition of Alice Hightopp taken in open court:

This deponent says that at or about the second of July this deponent, coming with her husband Tarrant Hightopp from the house of Mr. McTwisp and coming over a style by Mr. McTwisp's entrance into the woods, this deponent's husband said: "Dost thou see what yonder fellow is doing?" So this deponent went a little out of the path and stepped behind a tree. So this deponent stood there. And her husband drew near to a fellow who was buggering the March Hare. So after this deponent's husband had taken a full view of the said fellow, he beckoned to this deponent to come up. So this deponent came up to her husband and said: "Oh Lord, who is it?" He answered: "It's your man Hamish." Whereupon this deponent and her husband went up close to him, so near that he might have struck him with his cane, where the said Hamish stood buggering the Hare. He was holding the Hare by its tail. And crossing the path so the said Hamish espied this deponent and her husband and stepped beside the Hare. Whereupon this deponent's husband said: "Oh thou wicked rogue! What art thou doing?" He replied: "Resting with the Hare." "No." said this deponent's husband. "Thou art buggering the March Hare." He, the said Hamish, replied. "No, you lie." Then this deponent answered. "You lie, for there hangs out your Rogerry still." For his yard then still hung out of his breeches. Whereupon the said Hamish took the end of his shirt and while shaking it said: "Look here. Where is it?" With that the deponent's husband said: "Thou hast done that for which thou must be hanged." He replied with saying: "Do your worst." Whereupon this deponent and her husband went a little way off where this deponent willed her husband to take notice of the March Hare. Which he accordingly did. So the said Hamish untied the Hare and gave him. And further he said nothing.

Alice X Hightopp

Her mark

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_**AU-** Based upon the deposition: 'Robert and Eleanor Wyard: Virginia 1644'_


End file.
